Universal Challenge of Character

Couple quick notes

1. Terrible news hit me tuesday from the issues that have encompassed the last 8 months. The offer I have been given is poor at best. I'll get more into this in it's own post.

2. Work is going well. Though everyone thinks I'm on deaths door because of allergy season's grip on me.

Now for my big one.

3. The girl who had my heart and was the strength behind my coping at the end of last year. The girl who I believed was a perfect person for me and who played the part very well. The girl who deliberately kept herself the center of my life. The girl who, in an instant devastated and exited my life on Christmas day, with no explanation, messaged me today with an apology for her actions. The result was not what she thought it might be. Yet she did receive one:

You destroyed what was left of my confidence and of my faith in people. Mostly, what you did was force me to realize that people are mean, self centered and deceitful and that my character judgement is HIGHLY flawed. I believed in you, as a manager, as a woman and as good person. 2012 has been a fantastic year for me as I have begun to rebuild my life and put the horrible events of last year behind me. I owe a lot of that to you. The hypocrisy of what you said and did with me and the way you portrayed our "relationship" to everyone else was pathetic, disgusting and in most people's eyes unforgivable. It took me a while to realize one thing; you lost the best person you've ever met or likely ever will. I just lost another liar that used me for their own benefit. I'll be fine. With all that said, I forgave you before you asked. But I did it for me.

Profiles in courage in profiles.

I began writing this a week ago but wasn't happy with it til now...

Everyone in my life knows that I love a good beak. This is a fact. Despite many people's sense that I am being sarcastic when I say it, the reality is I have always genuinely loved girls with a unique nose.

The best I can tell, the origin of this phenomenon stems from two events that occurred in my life when I was a teenager.

First, there was my very first girlfriend. I thought she was beautiful and, essentially, broke up with her because my best friend used to make fun of her nose. Many, MANY years later, he admitted to me that he only did it because he was jealous and he thought she was gorgeous. Teenage boys (myself included) suck.

Secondly, well quite simply... Debbie Gibson. She was, and still is, insanely beautiful to me. Meeting her was one of the highlights of my life. She's sweet and gorgeous.

So here's the irony. Ever since I was a kid, I have always been extremely insecure about my own nose. It has always been something that has kept me from being truly confident in myself.

Until recently, I never saw the hipocrasy in the idea that I would literally tell women that the very cause of their own insecurity was their single greatest physical attribute to me. Yet, I never believed anyone I dated when they told me they liked mine.

Life is not all about the physical. I get that. But this note is about how closely the emotional and the physical truly are linked.

If I am going to be this new improved version of myself, then I need to be honest on all levels.

I'm proud of me. Proud of how far I've come in the past few months. Proud of who I am emotionally... And physically. If I truly love a good beak... Then I have to start with my own.

It only took 40 years to embrace it.

Karma, and others, are a Bitch

Well. To protect the innocent, I cannot say too much tonight, but I do need to make a record of it for posterity.

The spectacular enigma that is Karma has shown up yet again in my professional life.

So my only words tonight are these:

When you point a finger at someone, there are 3 pointing back at you.

Masochistic Overzealous Egomaniac!

It was a good day tater...

Today was a great day. I spent the morning traveling to colleges and the mall to recruit people to work at my restaurant.

Then I accomplished a HUGE personal goal at the gym. I ran 10 laps in an Olympic sized pool. This was AFTER, 5 miles on the bike and my regular workout. I had been getting more stamina for a few weeks but had only gotten to 6 laps before today. I broke through. By lap nine I was literally saying the names of people that had crossed me in my life to push myself.

Perhaps therapeutic. Perhaps psychotic. Definitely motivational.

The bottom line is things are good. Even my post-dinner fortune cookie thinks so.

2012 -A Blog in Review

My blog reached 2012 hits yesterday.

That absolutely amazes me. Mostly because it wasn't what I set out to do.

What fascinates me about it is how many people have personally spoken to me, texted me or messaged me on Facebook to tell me how often they read it and how much they appreciate it.

I have literally had current and old friends from grammar school, high school, the Jersey Shore, Florida, Atlanta and Auburn talk to me about this.

It's truly awesome. I was very much on the fence about putting my life and my thoughts out for the world to view and critique but I wouldn't change it for anything now.

So thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of the support and for taking this ride with me....

I could totally take Mark Antony...

If there has been a single day that needed to be written about this year... It was today. Here I go...

Today was my father's 69th birthday. My father passed away late in 2010 and not a day goes by that I don't miss him. My dad and I had a spectacular relationship and laughed most of our time together. That said, I really think he was screwing with me today.

Yesterday I was supposed to go for my ALCAT testing to find out about my food allergies. For reasons irrelevant to this piece, I had to reschedule for today. When I got there they were backed up, so I went and worked out. Then I came back at 5:30 for them to draw my blood but they couldn't because fedex had already picked up all the blood for the day. That is, unless I wanted to drop my own blood in the mail tomorrow. I respectfully declined.

At this point, I asked the MD, for my own knowledge, what ALCAT stood for. She informed me that no one had ever asked her that before and she'd have to google it.

So we decided to discuss my disc issues instead. She felt the muscle around the base of my neck and asked if this hurt, if that hurt, etc. Then she said, "I'm going to do something that'll make you feel better immediately" and, over my shoulder, I heard the old familiar sound of unwrapping plastic. I said "what's that?" she said jokingly, "I'm not telling you, but you'll feel much better before you leave."

But I suddenly realized that I was about to get quite a few injections into my neck. As I questioned the events about to occur, I warned "I'm feeling clammy!".

Last thing I remember, my MD (who looked remarkably like Macy Gray) said "Kal, if this guy goes down I can't hold him!"

The guy went down.

That's right, I passed out cold. (I hope you're singing "macho man" in your head.)

Upon awakening with towels on my forehead and neck, I remembered that unexpected needles were never really my friend. That relationship has not changed at all after today.

My ever-so-loving and caring chiropractor then walked into the room, saw me lying in my misery and said in his most concerned voice " DeVito... You... (let's go with wussy)" and started laughing uncontrollably. I retorted with a silent but equally as effective hand gesture to assure him I was, indeed, alright. He laughed more and closed the door behind him.

When I was able, I sat up and gathered what was left of my dignity and went out into the lobby. There my chiropractor informed me that he was absolutely astonished that my tough exterior was a total facade. (Apparently in Egypt, my exterior would be considered quite tough.)

Kerry, my Irish, New Yorker, patient's assistant that has no business being anything but Italian, hurried past me with a full waiting area and said, "Excuse me, Mr. DeVito... Is this your dress here in this office?"

Can you believe I actually PAY these people!!

So in conclusion, here's where we stand:

I still don't know what foods I'm allergic to. I STILL have to get blood drawn. My shoulder is killing me more now than when I woke up today. I have a new list of things I am not allowed to do (including working out my entire upper body). I need an MRI. Neck injections are not my thing. And... apparently, the five letter P word translates easily into Egyptian.

Happy birthday old man... Very funny!

Steve Miller Band, Adolph Hitler and more...

In the Steve Miller song "Jet Airliner", there's a line that may be the single greatest song lyric ever written. He says:

"You know you've got to go through Hell before you get to Heaven."

I've quoted it to friends about 500 times in my life. That's because I have always believed it to be true. In fact, growing up Catholic, we learned about the idea of Purgatory at a very young age.

To me personally, I believe that life actually IS Purgatory. I just refer to it on a daily basis as "Karma".

"What goes around comes around."
"Treat people as you want to be treated."

Regardless of how you say it, or the way you believe it, it all ultimately comes out the same way: You pay for your "sins" here on earth.

The problem is, we all know HORRIBLE people that never seem to get what's coming to them. Or so it would seem. (At least one former employer comes to mind!)

So the best way to rationalize that, is to assume that they will pay for it in another life. And they may very well. I'm not devaluing the concept at all here.

That said, it did get me thinking. I have done my best to live a "good" life. I never did drugs or stole stuff or really did much of anything too over the top. Moreover, it has always seemed that when I've made mistakes, it has always come RIGHT back on me. I have always felt like the king of "Instant Karma".

Today it dawned on me that I believe I'm actually on the other side of all of the "bad juju". Honestly, I think it may have been the drama of expecting that Karma or anticipating the "other shoe to drop" that kept me in the cycle for as long as it did.

Some people do suck. There absolutely is evil in this world. And I think most of us would like to believe that the "Hitlers" of the world are paying with eternal damnation. But reality is we don't KNOW any of this for sure. And regardless, we can't control any of it either way.

My bottom line today is that in all of these revelations (pun intended) that have occurred within me this year, today's was simple...

Moving forward, my time in Purgatory has passed. My Karma has been fulfilled. I've gone through my "Hell". Now it's time to experience MY "Heaven".

I deserve it.

Add Content Here...

I went to a different gym today before work. When I was there, I realized something:

Hawaii is the most beautiful place I have ever been, yet I had no interest in going there at any point in my life. I went because I got an amazing deal on tickets. As it turns out, the state changed my outlook on life tremendously. It's beautiful and wonderful and I can't imagine never having seen it.

Well, it has taken from January 1 to March 9, 2012, but I've reached content. I have a long way to go to achieve "happy", but content is a big, big step. Bigger than I ever thought. It's also not something I have ever been nor has it been something I have ever wanted.

There's an internal peace and an unusual lack of stress in my life.

I have reached a comfort level with myself, my personality, my job, my finances, my blog, my friends and even my family.

I have let in who I want here and eliminated those that need not to be in my world.

BEFORE I turn 40, I have realized content is a necessary step in my happiness.

I guess sometimes the most beautiful things in life come despite our efforts not to see them as such.

That's it. Goodnight.

An Answer To My Preyers?

Last year was extremely difficult for me in many ways. When I had reached one of my lowest points, in July, an absolutely AMAZING thing happened to me.

I walked out of my chiropractor's office and sitting on my headlight was, what I thought was, a stick.

Upon closer inspection, I saw that it was actually a preying mantis. I had always heard that they were "good luck", and it was essentially that concept that made me take notice of him at all.

When I got extremely close to him, close enough for this picture, he simply turned his head toward me and tilted it about 45 degrees. I snapped this photo and I remember being just inexplicably fascinated by his presence.

The resulting impact of that moment has helped me through a devastating time in my life. I had absolutely no idea at that time, but I was NOWHERE near the bottom and I was about to fall a lot further. Yet I survived. Ultimately, I came through the events with flying colors.

Every single time I have something difficult or challenging I think of, what I refer to as, my "preying mantis moment".

It has become my way of "smelling the roses".

That moment has been, for me, a spectacular way of realizing that there's immeasurably more to this life than whatever happens to be going on in my personal world that day.

It has kept me, on more than one occasion, grounded and humbled.

Perhaps, more importantly, it comes to mind immediately when I find myself overwhelmed by my personal situation.

I don't go back to last year often in my head. There are very few things that I have been able to take away from that year as positives. My "preying mantis moment" is absolutely one of the high points.

So today I have chosen to take a moment to step outside of the fantastic momentum of 2012, to look back and show some gratitude for one of the tiny little miracles that has helped to shape my life.

That little guy came into, and out of, my life in a flash. Yet, he has had a profound impact.

When times are tough, everyone should have a preying mantis moment.

Emission Impossible

I had to get my emissions done on my car. It failed last month. So today was it's last chance or, well, I was going "Ol Yeller" on it...

The guys at the place were extremely jovial and we laughed a lot about the car and its.... Uniqueness.

It passed the test and we celebrated. As I went to leave, I told them that I enjoyed the trip and they'd see me again with my new vehicle when I got one. The guy, Chris, said "don't let her hear you. It's ok." Then, petting the car, he said "He loves you. Please start." We laughed and I turned the car over. We celebrated again and I left.

I drove ONE mile and saw a pickup truck for sale at a mechanic. I inquired. We discussed the truck a bit. I told him about my car. We chuckled. I got in my car, turned onto the highway and it died.... Completely!!!

I went back into the mechanic and he laughed, I laughed and about 5 of us pushed the car into his garage.

After two hours in surgery, 3 new parts and a $140 bill, I was back on the road.

While in surgery, I placed a phone call to Chris, at the emissions place and told him the story. He was laughing so hard, he had to put the phone down. He thanked me again for me business but, he said, more importantly, for giving him something to tell everyone he saw for the rest of the week.

I'm happy to report, the car is doing well and now completely legal. With that one checked off of the todo list, all that's left is:

1. Fix the 3 windows that don't work. (that's 75% btw)
2. There's a hole in the firewall so it fills the car with exhaust (legally allowable amounts).
3. None of the interior lights work.
4. None of interior gauges work.
5. The tail lights are always on (not the headlights)
6. The brakes make noise.
7. The engine creeks when stopped at a light.
8. Speedometer and the Odometer don't work.
9. Passenger side door opens one out of every 10 or so attempts.
10. The trunk is to a different car altogether.
11. The alignment is so off, one guy wouldn't inspect it.
12. No A/C (No a/c belt. No compressor AT ALL)
13. There's absolutely NO power steering.

Not too bad of a list for a $600 car, but the convertible top works like it's BRAND new.

And that matters. :)

Lil note

Needed to make a quick note.

It's time for me to leave Woodstock. (not in a stoner way... I'm being much more literal. I realized as I drove today that don't belong here anymore. It makes sense, if you think about the fact that I moved here last year. There's a lot of negativity associated with this city. It seems like the gym and the chiropractor are my only sanctuary here. Gotta fix that.

So whether it's Alpharetta, Duluth, Atlanta, Kennesaw, Florida, Texas or California, it's time to start working on change.

Certified Personal Accountant

I've been obsessed for the past 6 months or so with the idea of personal accountability. As most anyone who knows me can tell you, I believe that if you don't "own it", you can't fix it.

However, I never realized how much my personal life and my professional life seem to mirror one another until this year.

At work, I have always chosen to approach the business as if it were my own. It has had wildly varying results. Likewise, my personal life has yielded a similar consequence.

In the past, when I have been frustrated by the job, company or position, my personal life has reflected it. The two, simultaneously, have crumbled in unison. I just never realized it. The highs were extreme. The lows... Devastating.

When I am most free to create at work and run the business like it is my own, my personal life has always fallen into place as well.

Accordingly, I have discovered that the concept of personal accountability is truly a measure of self worth.

The idea of taking responsibility for my life, it's actions, reactions, flaws and faults is monumentally beneficial to me as a person. It has allowed me to remain humble but also, allow me to LEARN from past events. Events that previously I would chalk up as fate, human error or growing pains, I now see as having been avoidable, clouded judgement and/or immaturity.

I know that all of the things that happened to me last year aren't my fault, per se. But accepting my part in those events has allowed me to accept them emotionally and, as Cheezy as it sounds, grow from the experiences both professionally and personally.

The key for 2012 has been to keep the positive energy going and not to allow frustration or negativity (from myself OR others) to derail me from my ultimate goal. Genuine happiness.

So now, the first two months are complete and I'm more focused than ever. Things are getting better and better every day. The people who have entered my life and peace I feel are immeasurable. Moreover, I'm amazed every day at where I am and how quickly I got here.

Professionally, life has more potential now than, arguably, ever before.

Personally, I'm stronger, happier and more independent than ever before. It is truly an unbelievable feeling.

I feel unstoppable. It's as if all of the chaos and confusion of my whole life ended on New Year's Eve. I do understand that New Year's and its resolutions are merely symbolic. But it has been an indescribable and unprecedented personal transformation for me since that day.

It's no coincidence. It's about accepting responsibility for every aspect and event of my life and it is truly about personal accountability.

See it.
Own it.
Change it.

Period.

I am not in Kansas Anymore

It has been an extremely eventful few days. Here's my quick recap.

The new restaurant is a lot of fun. The challenges are there and I feel like I can make a quick and immediate impact. It seems like I have support from the whole management team and that's a cool feeling. The opportunity is laid out in front of me. I just had to seize it.

Also, I feel like my career is going in a promising direction. I have heard from many people that big things are in the verge of happening for me. So, focus is everything.

For the THIRD time since I left Florida, I have had a tornado come within 3 miles of my body. That's scary stuff. I'm definitely not going to miss THAT when I relocate.

Lastly, I found a great apartment to live in but ended up not taking it. I do think it's time to upgrade. The focus now though is a car. I'll look to move in April or May.

Ok. That's it for the update.