In life there's a common belief that one should always remember "where they came from".
Yet I truly believe that one of the great purposes of life is to move forward and evolve continuously. I think it's part of our genetic makeup to look back on past events and see them as less taxing, painful and/or traumatic as they were at the time that they occurred in our life. Consequently, I believe attempting to remember things that you've overcome in your life can be a futile attempt at humility because our brain has simply lessened the lasting impact of terrible events over time. Hence the "time heals all wounds" crap, I mean cliche. Learning from those experiences is, of course, crucial but reliving them virtually impossible.
My best example is the chickenpox. I'd argue that no one remembers exactly how painful or how devastating they were when they had them. Sure, you can say that you were a kid. I wasn't. I was 25 and my doctor said it was the worst case he'd ever seen. Even I don't remember the extent of the pain. Essentially, all that I do remember is that I felt like they would never go away and that nothing would ever feel that bad again. THAT'S the lasting impression that they left on me....
My journey thru Hell took an unbelievably painful turn on this day last year. It was the day that I found out that my 19 year old shift leader had committed an armed robbery and quite literally endangered the lives of my entire crew, including a 16 year old girl who was training on the first night of her first job ever, the night the restaurant was robbed. It was absolutely devastating. I remember screaming "FUCK!" at the top of my lungs when my boss told me she had been arrested and charged. I had spent a week since the robbery vigorously defending the girl because I simply could never believe that someone I knew as well as I thought I knew her, would do something so despicable.
All of this came 2 days after my car had been repossessed. I was entering a life altering downward spiral.
Today, one year ago, I didn't know that tomorrow, one year ago, I would be terminated for those events that had occurred a week prior. But that's precisely what happened. And it left my life completely empty and had me questioning everything about myself and life in general. It was a despair that I cannot adequately express.
So, happy November 21st 2012 to everyone, especially me. I have learned so much in the past 365 days yet rereading this post I haven't recaptured one one-hundredth of the feeling and honestly, I guess I feel blessed for that.
Life is a series of triumphs and tribulations. Occasionally, one of them changes your perspective forever. I'm grateful to be here, in Orlando, in school, away from the drama and the pain. This, right now, is one of those times that I'll look back on and see myself as being incredibly happy. Even if I do forget that once in a while.
So, my challenges have changed in 2102, as has my perspective. I have spent the year trying to remember where I came from and applying the hard learned lessons that accompanied it. When December 31st comes this year, my year of respect and remembrance will be over, and I look forward to the good part... Appreciating where and who I AM NOW!!!
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