You Would Not Believe ~311

He was a king 'til she laid waste now he can not fill up the space and I just see him drifting while he's drifting
on bourbon alley, feeling low just because she let him go I don't think he even knows he'll ever be fine

And he's got a head full of ideas
let me tell ya, that you wouldn't believe
and he's got a heart made of pure gold
and something else, many tricks up his sleeve you might think he's a jester
because he'll make you laugh til' you cry and what else, you better come with your best if you test him, unless you're ready to die

Wonder woman got rid of wonder man
that man's not part of your wonder plan letter to the so called better bet on my man believe it you will find out baby, damn

Head full of ideas let me tell ya, that you wouldn't believe and he's got a heart made of pure gold and something else, so many tricks up his sleeve you might think he's a jester because he'll make you laugh til' you cry and what else, you better come with your best if you test him, unless you're ready to die

A million people come and go through a persons ebb and flow and faces keep on changing while there changing a certain few will stay in tact when they're not they'll don an act I know this important fact don't get confused like

And he's got a head full of ideas let me tell ya, that you wouldn't believe and he's got a heart made of pure gold and something else, so many tricks up his sleeve you might think he's a jester because he'll make you laugh til' you cry and what else, you better come with your best if you test him, unless you're ready to die

First you love him then your loving him not all the while he just smiles, giving all that he's got do you find it in your heart to say he's not what you sought do you want me to continue with this, or what?

My name is Dave... And I am a dramaholic.

Hi Dave!!!

I often refer to myself as a recovering dramaholic. It's amazing but you truly don't realize it when you're in it. Even more frighteningly, I have relapsed a couple of times since my divorce. Dating two girls that weren't born when I graduated high school probably didn't help much. But I digress!

The reality is there's a subliminal high that you get from the drama. The problem is that it causes this spiral that is really difficult to cut yourself loose from.

But I have. This time I truly hope for good. I mean, I still get caught up a little. Everyone does. But I won't allow it to rule my life.

It's amazing. My ex-wife and I hit the ground running when we got married. We started a record label, had a regional hit record, had a huge wedding, bought a BMW, went to St Thomas, bought TWO houses and a baby grand piano all in the first year of our marriage. The drama was intoxicating and it never went away in seven years. We owned 4 houses about 9 cars, went all over the US and owned three businesses. That was until I was out of the house for 6 months training with Red Robin all around Atlanta. Then the drama was over... As was the marriage.

Two more failed relationships later and, at long last, I genuinely enjoy the time that I get to myself and the lack of something "exciting" going on in my world.

So I still have big goals. I still have ambitions. I still have dreams of a great relationship and maybe even starting a family. Nonetheless, I am going to do it without the drama. Believe it or not, that may mean sucking it up and dating a grownup.

The best part of being in recovery is that it has become increasingly easy to identify in both myself and others. I can hear a story from a friend and, in my head (often aloud as well), I will say "wow... too much drama for me". I have also gotten pretty good at hanging up the phone or leaving the conversation when it happens.

So, do I think that it's a permanent recovery? Well if I'm honest, probably not.

It's like any other addiction... Day by day. Today... Was a good day.

No Mas Mierda

The interesting thing about the term "baggage" is that it's overused, but tremendously accurate. Essentially the issue that I'm dealing with at the moment is how many issues I have been addressing lately. My life isn't like a credit report at this point. There is no printable list of what's worth dealing with, what's worth contesting and what isn't worth anything at all.

As each day goes by, I seem to think of someone or something that has wronged me in my life. Perhaps it's just a part of the purging process but it's disturbing to know that I have... dated criminals, worked for criminals, known and befriended people who have devastated my life, hurt me and the things I love and, perhaps worst of all, never truly forgiven them or myself for allowing it. I actually considered trying to list the ones that have come to mind recently here but decided that reliving it yet again would be counterproductive.

I had a slogan at my last job. It was posted where the employees could see it each day. It said "No Mas Mierda"... Spanish for "No More Shit". We then began throwing away all unnecessary junk in the restaurant. (3 year old paperwork, broken equipment, nonproductive people, etc.) We absolutely streamlined the entire operation.

So I guess the point here is I have already gotten rid of most of the material items I have held for years (some for decades) in 2012. Now I need to do it for the emotional items.

The next person I date, the current employer for which I work, and the people whom I can currently call friends are in for a treat. They know, or are meeting, a 39 year old guy that hopefully will only be holding a "carry on".

It's 2012... No mas mierda!

Post pre mid-life crisis

I think I'm officially over the whole "turning 40" thing. I've proven to myself that I'm not "dead" and can still have just about anything I want if I stay focused. That said, as I'm building my new foundation, I am choosing the things that I want without the input of anyone else. It's rewarding and more than a little exciting. My emotional state is better than it has been in years. Financially, I'm growing quickly and consistently. I like the new me.

I FREAKIN WIN!

So apparently telling my side of the story was a good thing. I won my appeal. I will be getting about $2500 in the coming days that will allow me to be on top of my debt by my next paycheck.

It was rewarding. This was something I fought hard for. Last year I had constant attacks on my character from several different sources. Fighting back has been a long arduous journey. That was a colossal step. More interestingly, the fact that I have had so many people tell me that they are proud of me for sticking with it, has meant everything to me. I guess it showed some tenacity along with character. I just wasn't letting them get away with it. Yay me.

My side of the story

Today was a good day. I got to tell my side of the story. Regardless of whether I was successful and will benefit financially, I stuck to it. I didn't let them get away with slandering my name. I'm proud of myself no matter what the outcome... But I sure could use the money!

Tomorrow

Big day tomorrow. Biggest of 2012. Gonna let me know exactly how quickly I'm going to get on top of things financially. Then I have to work all day and I think I'm getting sick. Today was a good one. I'm loving this new job. The people are cool. The training is good. All the way around, 18 days in, 2012 is pretty freakin great... Tomorrow...

Legal Repercussions

Did you know that by writing a blog, information contained in it can be used against you in court. You can lose your job, custody of your kids, etc. All by publicly putting your thoughts on paper and making them available to the general public. It fascinates me. I feel like I'm walking a legal tightrope. Certain that it won't end well, I stand by my public "journal".

House of Cards

Perhaps the biggest fundamental change in my life for 2012 centers around finances. For too long I've used the excuse that it's "in my blood" to have poor spending habits and, though there is some truth to that, it's time to get it under control. This blog isn't about going backwards so it doesn't behoove me to do so now. Rather, I want to focus on creating a better financial foundation for myself.

One of my biggest issues focuses on the fact that 15 years ago I was making more in cash as a bartender than I do after taxes to this day with better benefits and worked less hours. I ALWAYS made money nightly and therefore literally made more than I could spend in my off time.... Now... Not so much.

But, with the new year, has come new opportunity. I have a new position with a ton of potential, benefits, vacation time, 401k and a decent salary. So the key, right now, before I get into any kind of a routine of spending is to repay the debt I have incurred over the past couple of months and begin a steady pattern of saving, investing and cautious spending.

The term "nest egg" has always frustrated me. I'm not sure why I have never been able to save money consistently, but I haven't. That said, I've also never had a better opportunity to do so. I've gotten quite comfortable living on (next to) no money and financially have pretty much bottomed out. It's a feeling I will never allow myself to relive.

So, May 16th is my 40th birthday. The day I promised myself I'd have my first million dollars. That part isn't going to happen, and I'm ok with it because what I WILL be on that day, is a much more well-rounded person.

For all of the negativity that occurred in the last year of my life, one amazing thing has come from the experiences... Physically, psychologically, emotionally and financial I'm in a better place than I ever would have imagined! God bless 2012!

Where have you been?

So I didn't write here for a few days and I got kinda punished by karma for it. Things have been going really well at work and at home until today.... Today I woke up with the skull of a random LONG dead animal on my porch. A gift from the white shit. (Dolce and Simone) It was a bit of an omen. Next up, I take my hour long ride to work, and am greeted with a phone call from HR about my background check. (than you sfm) and then I got turned down for my mini loan from the company to get me through to payday on the 20th. Then and only then was I able to sit and watch hours of DVDs about sexual harassment and safety and security for my new company. Finally, we had a ridiculously late close and i got home at 12:45 am. May not sound too stressful but it was.

There, I now feel better. Let's put it this way, it's the 9th. If I can get 8 days in happy stuff in a row, I'll take the 24 hour beating on the off day. This quick math tells me approximately 60-65 days a year are trending bad. Further quantification done in this vane demonstrates that approx. 18% of the days are bad ones... I can PLAN... Now I still need money badly.

Good boring day.

Well after an exhausting day of training (not at all) I had the day off. Exciting stuff today: My ex from last year is returning my personal things, a friend confided in me about something deep and personal. Got my tax stuff for last year ready to be prepared. All the way around good day off.

Sweet!!!!

First day at work was an awesome one. This is a great fit. Money wise, job wise, lifestyle wise... It appears this is the way to work. Couple of weeks and I'll settle in and start working on my own business in my spare time. 2012 baby... It's my time.

2nd Chance

Well tomorrow starts a new chapter. It definitely feels like a second chance. I'm excited about that. Specifically, I think if I keep everything in perspective at my new job, I will lay this foundation the right way. Mostly what I'm looking forward to is actually working. Its been less than 2 months and it feels like forever. Gotta get to my first paycheck which is 3 weeks away... That'll be a challenge. Especially with $46 left.after that, smooth sailing.

Sick Puppies - Maybe

Maybe I'm a dreamer
Maybe I'm misunderstood
Maybe you're not seeing
The side of me you should

Maybe I'm crazy
Maybe I'm the only one
Maybe I'm just out of touch
Maybe I've just had enough

And maybe it's time to change
And leave it all behind
I've never been one to walk alone
I've always been scared to try

So why does it feel so wrong
To reach for something more
To wanna live a better life
What am I waiting for

'Cause nothing stays the same
Maybe it's time to change

Maybe it's hopeless
Maybe I should just give up
And what if I can't trust myself
What if just need some help

'Cause nothing stays the same
Maybe it's time to change

New for 2012

So there are about 10 differences in me for 2012. However, here is absolutely the most significant; No more chasing. There's something inherent within me that needs to "wow" a date, girlfriend or other. That's over now. It's time for me to be appreciated for what I offer. Easy to say, sure but near impossible to do. So, today's post is simple; I've spent the last 39 years chasing, trying to impress and make people feel special and unique. For that, I have been put through the ringer in relationships, friendships and especially in business. So the strongest part of my 2012 pledge... To be me and to be appreciated for that. That alone will make me feel more secure in the relationships I enter.

World Wide... Journal?

I think the strangest part about doing this is the fact that writing your personal thoughts and feelings down is a personal thing, yet blogging isn't. I'm kind of combining the two. Anyone in the world can read this and yet it isn't relevant to anyone really. It also isn't seen as very interesting reading, but it will be in the years to come. I promise.

Meanwhile, I start my new job at Sweet Tomatoes on the 4th. It's an exciting change. I think the company and I are a great fit. Also, it isn't going to eat up 60+ hours of my week so I'll have time to focus on my business and getting investors as well. It's going to be a great year!!

Happy New Year... No, Seriously!

OK.. Here we go. Here are some basic facts. Last year was the worst year of my life. A year that included some of the most horrible events of my 39 years of existence. I'm not going to go into all of that (even though I actually did and deleted it), because my whole point in creating this blog is to document the transition to 2012. I have no doubt that this is the year I will have the greatest impact on the world.

So, today is January 1st, 2012. I have $100 that is supposed to last me for the next 3 weeks somehow. I have a tiny little apartment, a beat up 1990 Le Baron convertible, 2 dogs, my cat, a very few good real friends, a much condensed list of facebook friends, a brand new twitter account, a new blog and a nagging sense that this is the year for me, my company. my career and my finances. Besides, if I am wrong... there's always the Zombie Apocalypse to save me :)