One of the songs that I have listed the lyrics for in the past few weeks is called "Narcissistic Cannibal" by KORN. That is one of a small handful of songs that tells a story about self-sabotage and insecurity. It's a concept that I used to embrace and have made an active effort to release. That idea has liberated me personally...
There's no way of measuring the impact of insecurity on relationships. There's no concrete statistic that shows the specific details,and consequences, of emotional insecurity on the divorce rate, the percentage of siblings that do not speak or the number of friendships that have ended as a result. Yet,there is no doubt that it is an overwhelming component of all of those fractured relationships, and far more. The dictionary defines insecurity as a lack of confidence or assurance; self-doubt, but this does not measure the consequences of this condition on people's own lives. Insecurity leads to jealousy, mental instability, and acute anxiety and self-sabotage.
Happiness is an intangible concept, a “pie in the sky” ideal that gets discussed and remains largely undefined throughout most people’s lives. More often than not, people look backward at their lives and remember “happy times” despite that fact that, during that actual period, they were just as consumed with the idea of being happy then as they are at present. In order for one to be happy, they have to define the word, as well as their own personal perspective, to make it tangible. In other words, set a goal of happiness. This theory helps a person to limit the effects of their insecurities, primarily because they do not entertain as many distractions from their ultimate goal.They also make more proactive decisions and generally gain confidence with each passing day.
Jealousy tends to be the most often discussed result of insecurity, but it has nowhere near the strongest impact on the relationship.Self-sabotage does. There are generations of stories of people’s self-sabotage leading to their own destruction. From Howard Stern to Heath Ledger, from Adam and Eve to Oedipus Rex, insecurity has led to the downfall of thousands of people to both real and fictional. The idea that someone feels that they themselves do not deserve to be happy, literally makes them destroy themselves and their relationships out of fear. They see it as an irrational fear that it is ultimately going to happen anyway and that all they are doing is sanctioning the inevitable. Sabotage! Online dating is often an excellent example of self-sabotage, people sit behind a computer looking at people that they feel inferior to and tell themselves that they wouldn’t stand a chance with them and keep clicking. Sound like high school? It is. It’s sabotage!
Self-sabotage and jealousy can have serious consequences on human health. It has been scientifically proven that stress is a major cause of heart disease and many other harmful, even fatal, ailments. People stress over where their mate hasn’t called, why they haven’t come home, when they’re going to make ends meet, etc. As these stresses build, they have long term ramifications on the person themselves. Many get caught up in the drama of their daily lives without realizing that they are essentially shortening their own time on earth.
So where does insecurity come from? To answer this question,a person must look at every aspect of their lives, from family and upbringing,to appearance and social status. People tend to put a lot of pressure on themselves and others. Moreover, in relationships, some tend to feel that they are dating “out of their league”, and as we age and our bodies change, some people's’ insecurities make them date younger (hence the midlife crisis) others,make them remove themselves from dating altogether. While when some are younger, they date much older people to feel more secure.
The key to overcoming emotional insecurity is far more simple one might imagine. Success breeds security. Often there is chill as that word is read. Success feeling of accomplishment in life. For many raising a family equals success, for others it means rising to the top of a major corporation or opening a business. For some, it is just continuing to take another breath and live for another day.
The reality to be faced is that the only one that can create happiness is the person themselves. So dating someone to feel special, getting the right job or marrying and having a family can only aid to happiness, but the success comes when that person looks in the mirror and realizes that they are the best that they have to offer themselves and this world. That feeling breeds confidence; with confidence comes security, with security people find happiness.
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