Safe and Insecure...

One of the songs that I have listed the lyrics for in the past few weeks is called "Narcissistic Cannibal" by KORN. That is one of a small handful of songs that tells a story about self-sabotage and insecurity. It's a concept that I used to embrace and have made an active effort to release. That idea has liberated me personally...

There's no way of measuring the impact of insecurity on relationships. There's no concrete statistic that shows the specific details,and consequences, of emotional insecurity on the divorce rate, the percentage of siblings that do not speak or the number of friendships that have ended as a result. Yet,there is no doubt that it is an overwhelming component of all of those fractured relationships, and far more. The dictionary defines insecurity as a lack of confidence or assurance; self-doubt, but this does not measure the consequences of this condition on people's own lives. Insecurity leads to jealousy, mental instability, and acute anxiety and self-sabotage.

Happiness is an intangible concept, a “pie in the sky” ideal that gets discussed and remains largely undefined throughout most people’s lives. More often than not, people look backward at their lives and remember “happy times” despite that fact that, during that actual period, they were just as consumed with the idea of being happy then as they are at present. In order for one to be happy, they have to define the word, as well as their own personal perspective, to make it tangible. In other words, set a goal of happiness. This theory helps a person to limit the effects of their insecurities, primarily because they do not entertain as many distractions from their ultimate goal.They also make more proactive decisions and generally gain confidence with each passing day.

Jealousy tends to be the most often discussed result of insecurity, but it has nowhere near the strongest impact on the relationship.Self-sabotage does. There are generations of stories of people’s self-sabotage leading to their own destruction. From Howard Stern to Heath Ledger, from Adam and Eve to Oedipus Rex, insecurity has led to the downfall of thousands of people to both real and fictional. The idea that someone feels that they themselves do not deserve to be happy, literally makes them destroy themselves and their relationships out of fear. They see it as an irrational fear that it is ultimately going to happen anyway and that all they are doing is sanctioning the inevitable. Sabotage! Online dating is often an excellent example of self-sabotage, people sit behind a computer looking at people that they feel inferior to and tell themselves that they wouldn’t stand a chance with them and keep clicking. Sound like high school? It is. It’s sabotage!

Self-sabotage and jealousy can have serious consequences on human health. It has been scientifically proven that stress is a major cause of heart disease and many other harmful, even fatal, ailments. People stress over where their mate hasn’t called, why they haven’t come home, when they’re going to make ends meet, etc. As these stresses build, they have long term ramifications on the person themselves. Many get caught up in the drama of their daily lives without realizing that they are essentially shortening their own time on earth.

So where does insecurity come from? To answer this question,a person must look at every aspect of their lives, from family and upbringing,to appearance and social status. People tend to put a lot of pressure on themselves and others. Moreover, in relationships, some tend to feel that they are dating “out of their league”, and as we age and our bodies change, some people's’ insecurities make them date younger (hence the midlife crisis) others,make them remove themselves from dating altogether. While when some are younger, they date much older people to feel more secure.

The key to overcoming emotional insecurity is far more simple one might imagine. Success breeds security. Often there is chill as that word is read. Success feeling of accomplishment in life. For many raising a family equals success, for others it means rising to the top of a major corporation or opening a business. For some, it is just continuing to take another breath and live for another day.

The reality to be faced is that the only one that can create happiness is the person themselves. So dating someone to feel special, getting the right job or marrying and having a family can only aid to happiness, but the success comes when that person looks in the mirror and realizes that they are the best that they have to offer themselves and this world. That feeling breeds confidence; with confidence comes security, with security people find happiness.

A Word to the Wise

“I am simply of the opinion that you cannot be taught to write. You have to spend a lifetime in love with words.” ― Craig Claiborne

For thousands of years, there has always been an intense fascination with vocabulary and writing. Personally, from 8^th grade, when I starting writing love letters to girlfriends, through high school with songs and poetry, to my professional life where I have written artist bios, press releases and magazine articles, writing has been an integral part of my existence. As a child, I remember my mother telling me that “swear” words were a representation of ignorance and demonstrated a lack of vocabulary. I was hooked! How can a word or words mean that you have less of a vocabulary? I loved that idea! I learned every bad word and most every good one. Most people will tell you that I use both styles quite well.

Words are so ridiculously powerful. Whether it’s an abhorring insult or a spectacular compliment, the words spoken, or written, to someone can move them, hurt them, elate them or destroy them. Words have started and ended wars. They have made memorable, weddings and funerals alike. This gift of language has enabled us to teach and learn, overcome adversity, become empowered and implement our dreams and desires. Words have been accused of causing death as well as breathing life.

Words in the form of lyrics are undoubtedly the most often overlooked aspect of our literary impact. From Air Supply to Eminem, words have been used to incite and express anguish, make political statements, create social awareness, restore order and create chaos.

Perhaps the most stunning aspect of language is the impact it has unknowingly on people. This is part of my feelings previously expressed about personal accountability. At this point I have to say, I have been, in my life, the poster child for abuse via language. It is one of the many things I have changed about my life. That said, there is a responsibility that comes along with using the language; one that is not always embraced by its users.

When used carelessly, a word “Bitch!” can anger, escalate and infuriate, while when used properly, “Beautiful!” can flatter, sooth and quell. Arguably, the most often misused words are equally “Love and “Hate”.

Phrases such as “You look fantastic!” make a person, especially an acquaintance that you haven’t seen in a while, feel fantastic. Yet, “Boy, you have lost weight” can imply that someone used to look terrible!

The power of some words and phrases cannot be entirely measured; “Are you pregnant?” can have devastating unintended consequences, while “You look very nice today”, can be entirely misconceived. A few months ago, I asked a fellow student if she thought it was “hot in here” (It WAS!) She replied by recoiling and stammering and gave me the impression that I was the “Creepiest” guy alive.

So, the next time, you decide to flip the bird or say “Damn!” when an attractive person walks by, remember that those words aren’t just said. They’re perceived, heard and interpreted by someone else. Words are weapons and gifts; they’re deadly and life-giving. Think before you speak. You will only be showing your own intellectual capacity.

“Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.”  ― Mother Teresa

Living Like I am Dying...

A little over a year ago, I cut most people out of my life in an attempt to regroup.

In retrospect, it was a strange decision I admit, but I reached a point where I didn't know who or what to trust. I deleted all but about 10 numbers from my phone and cut over 300 people from Facebook.

Basically, the reason I did so was to purge myself of all of the negativity in myself and my life. I cut off my family and many of my friends and in time, I basically began to rebuild from the ground, up. It was a defining time for me. As most of the people that I have known for the last year plus will tell you, I have evolved a lot as a person since that decision.

There have been some recent events in my life that have made me appreciate where I am at both physically and emotionally. I'm not going to get into it because honestly it isn't about me. It's about my friend. But the point is, I had an AMAZING night last night with some friends I haven't seen in almost 20 years. It was an eye-opening experience and it made me realize that just because time goes by and people lose touch doesn't mean you aren't cared about. Actually, perhaps the greatest aspect of true friendship is that it can pick up right where it left off.

So to make my point, I am opening my world back up to the people that want to be in it. I'm sorry if it seemed or seems if I am being arrogant. It wasn't at all like that. It was more about me finding out about me and understanding my own identity. Now I want to share that identity.

This life is too short and fleeting to be too caught up in minutia. Every day is a blessing that needs to be lived like we are dying... Because, we are.

Dave-DeVito, Orlando, FL, Creative Writer, Copywriter, Article Press, Web Content, Editor Proofreader

Dave-DeVito, Orlando, FL, Creative Writer, Copywriter, Article Press, Web Content, Editor Proofreader

What Do I Want To Be If I Grow Up?

It's October Already! That's amazing. It seems like yesterday that I started this new life.

 It has been quite an unbelievable year so far and I still have a few months left. I took my first mid-term exam in 20 years today. I don't believe I did as well as I had hoped, but, in my defense its been a long time since I had to make my little brain work this hard to memorize terms. Being back in school hasn't been as stressful as I feared. Actually, its been pretty awesome. I have 3 interesting classes and some great professors. More importantly, I will now have 6 classes for my AA degree and the ability to transfer to the 4 year college of my choice. Lately, I have been entertaining the University of Hawaii.

I am pretty sure that I want to pursue a degree in Journalism. I have the previous experince of having been published many years ago when I used to write for DMA Magazine, a dance music magazine out of Chicago.

I have actually embraced the idea that I have no idea what I want to be. I have truly begun to enjoy the journey...

Narcissistic Cannibal -Korn

"Narcissistic Cannibal"


Don't wanna be sly and defile you
Desecrate my mind and rely on you
I just wanna break this crown
But it's hard when I'm so run down

And you're so cynical, Narcissistic Cannibal!
Got to bring myself back from the dead!

Sometimes, I hate, the life, I made
Everything's wrong every time
Pushing on I can't escape
Everything that comes my way
Is haunting me taking its sweet time

Holding on I'm lost in a haze
Fighting life to the end of my days

Don't wanna be rude but I have to
Nothing's good about the hell you put me through
I just need to look around
See that life that has come unbound

And you're so cynical, Narcissistic Cannibal
Got to bring myself back from the dead

Sometimes, I hate, the life I made
Everything's wrong every time
Pushing on I can't escape
Everything that comes my way
Is haunting me taking its sweet time

Sometimes, I hate, the life I made
Everything's wrong every time
Pushing on I can't escape
Everything that comes my way
Is haunting me taking its sweet time

Holding on I'm lost in a haze
Fighting life to the end of my days

Holding on I'm lost in a haze
Fighting life to the end of my days